Staying Seductive At Times That Are Like, So Not

Guest Blog Post by Kitty Cavalier (reprinted with permission)

One of the questions I am most often asked about practicing seduction is “how do you stay a seductress when you are in an environment that is so not seductive?” (such as being at work, or with family, or stuck in traffic)

This is a question that has many answers. One of the answers will be revealed in this blog post. A few more will be sprinkled in over the next few weeks. (The really juicy ones will be delivered live in my new April 5th class The Seductive Life. Just sayin’. 😉 Note: This was originally published in March and more juicy ones coming to the goddess salon.


My actual childhood lunchbox, thank you Lisa Frank.

Let’s be clear about one thing first. Seduction is not roses, candles, dark chocolate and lingerie. Seduction is a force. It is an elemental component of our lives. Let’s say, for example, you find yourself in a rest stop bathroom. Not the most seductive of environments. And you know what? That is OK. A seductress is not a magic fairy who can change a stinky bathroom into being as much of a pleasure as a field of lavender. The seductress? Her magic does not reside solely in the ethereal. Her real magic is her humanity.

I bring this up is because many of my students doubt their abilities as a seductress when they are not feeling happy, and aroused in every moment of every day. Listen: life is a mosaic, not a Lisa Frank illustration. There are as many smooth pearls in this work of art as there are spiky bits of glass. There are diamonds twinkling right alongside bits of aluminum can and shiny porcelain next to rough, rugged clay. That is what makes it so interesting.
We are fortunate to live in an age where there is a developing consciousness of the fact that we have the power to create our life, rather than lay victim to it. But when this philosophy is adopted as edict, it can often bring with it a sense of perpetual dissatisfaction. When we feel dissatisfied, we think “Uh-oh. I am not living the law of attraction! I need to get into gratitude, fast! Let me write a gratitude list. Think positive! Think positive!” That’s all fine and good if you are really feeling grateful, but there is a big difference between genuine gratitude and trying to cheat the system. There is no right ratio of self-love to humility, gratitude to ambition. There are tools, but there is no formula.

So, how does this relate to seduction? How do we stay in our seductress, even when we are in a situation that is un-seductive? It all starts by understanding that there is no ‘staying in our seductress’, because we never leave our seductress. Seduction is a force, not a state. We are always seducing and being seduced, constantly. Let’s say for example, you eat an entire microwave pizza and bag of dried mango like I just did. I can tell myself that that was so not seductive, that seductresses don’t overeat. Hell, seductresses don’t even eat microwave pizza. Certainly not while standing in the kitchen in their pajamas at 3pm on a Monday.

I do love a good dressing gown.

Where’s the dressing gown with a long train spreading out over the bed as she slowly consumes one fresh cherry after another out of a pristine porcelain bowl? The truth is, those things just didn’t seduce me today.

Today, I am pumping out multiple articles and adding three new items to my website. I am feeling a bit stressed. I am coping by eating a little more than I need to, and rebelling against the system by staying in my pajamas. This, people, I hate to tell you, is seduction. The pajamas, the mango, the to-do list; they all seduced me today. The way I stay in my seductress is that I don’t berate myself for not doing things another way. I have pride in my pizza bloat. I think it’s really cute.

And there is no force on Earth that is more potent or seductive than total ownership and pride in oneself and one’s actions.

In contrast, last night I wanted to do something but had no plans, and didn’t really want to leave the house. So I took a bubble bath, massaged every inch of my skin with sweet smelling lotion, and put on a party dress and makeup. I lit every candle in my home and got out my craft bin to make homemade greeting cards and send secret admirer cards to my best friends. This may sound like it was a more seductive venture than the pizza, but that is not true. It would only be true if we were defining seduction as looking good to other people. But seduction is not about doing things that look good to other people. Seduction is doing the things that look good to YOU.

Do you feel like seduction is a state that is dependent on what your wearing or where you are? Do tell in the comments below.  Note: Comment in Kitty’s Blog or tell her yourself at this Sunday, June 2nd Seduction Goddess Salon  register-button